I’d gone looking for Arizona soon after kitchen duty and grabbing a glass of water. I went over to the other side of the diner, the one with all the mattresses, and heard them before I saw them.
“Who do I have now? Bird and his whole crew are dead. My boyfriend, my best friends...” Solar was crying. I peeked through the window in the swinging door to see Arizona and her sitting on a mattress together in the darkened room, the only light coming from the windows, giving the place an eerie feel.
“You have me.” I saw Arizona say through the window. Solar leaned in. No. This wasn’t happening. Their lips met eagerly. My jaw dropped open as tears sprang to my eyes. I lost my grip on the glass of water I was holding, and it fell to the floor almost in slow motion, shattering into a million pieces. They both stopped and looked up as I flung open the door.
“You-you make me sick.” I sputtered, the tears still not yet flowing by some miracle. I turned and stormed away, over the water and shattered glass, away from him.
“Alabama! Alabama, wait!” He called, running after me. I dashed into the girls’ bathroom, which luckily no one was inhabiting at the moment, and kicked the stall, the tears starting to flow down my face. I knew it. I was too goddamn trusting. I let my guard down. I let him in, and he hurt me. I fucking knew it! I sank down against the wall, the tears pouring down my face.
“Alabama! Come out here. Please.” The last word came out pleadingly. He was outside, but I wouldn’t look at the bastard. I’d stay here all night if I had to. He hurt me so badly. I’d never speak to him again. Why was I so stupid? He’d told me before; he was in love with Solar. Why did I ever think he’d stay with me?
“That’s it. I’m coming in there.” The door swung open and I jumped to my feet, glaring at him. He stood there flustered; his hair was going every which way thanks to Solar, his face was red. I hated him so violently at this very moment I could’ve killed him.
“Alabama...” He stood there staring at me.
“What?” I shook my head at him, a false grin on my face as the tears blazed trails down my cheeks. “What do you want from me now? You want to apologize? Tell me how it’s not what I think?” I laughed bitterly. “I should’ve known you’d run back to that little whore. And to think me and her were talking now. We were getting close. I guess I know why.” I’d stopped crying now. I was running on pure anger.
“Hey, don’t talk bad about her-”
“About who? Solar?” I breathed out harshly, running a hand through my hair. “What has she been saying about me, huh? About how fucking stupid I am for getting involved with you, about how of course you’d always pick someone like her over me? Is it ringing a fucking bell, Arizona, or did you kiss her just because you saw an opening? I mean, her fucking douche of a boyfriend’s dead, your girlfriend’s easily discarded, why not make a move?” I closed my eyes, clenching my fists to keep the tears inside. “I mean you liked her first, she’s prettier, not nearly as deathly skinny, less emotional baggage...” I shook my head. “Easy choice, huh?”
“I’m so sorry, I-” He looked at me, visibly upset. I wasn’t done with him, though.
“You know what really gets me though? You know what makes me feel the worst out of all of this?” I cut him off. “You told me you loved her. The first. fucking. day. You told me you were in love with her, and I’d kissed you. I’d kissed you anyway, and got myself into this. Why the fuck did I get myself into this? You love her. You always have. How could I have ever measured up?” I stared at him, stared right into his eyes filled with anger and utter misery. “Go ahead. Go back to your little cunt. You deserve each other.” I spat right in his face. He wiped my saliva out of his eyes and shoved me to the wall, one fist pulled back ready to strike. My head smacked the concrete and left my ears ringing.
“Go ahead. Hit me. Beat me to death. Pound my face in, just like you did to that Drac. Come on! DO IT!” I screamed at him. He stared back at me, our faces inches away. The anger was fading from his eyes. He let go of me, backing away slowly, shaking his head. He couldn’t do it. The tears poured down my face as I dashed out of the bathroom. I ran out the back door of the diner and found the red dirt bike he’d taught me to ride. I slipped on the helmet and jumped on the bike, starting it, revving it and driving away. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I drove aimlessly into the desert. I could be anywhere but there. Anywhere.
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