How to Survive Zone 1, Chapter 5: How to Add a New Member to Your Team

The next day we woke up early, stumbling down to breakfast before anyone else. We had to get out soon, considering we had a long drive ahead of us and the tower’s launch date was a mere two months away.

“Dude, gimme the can opener.” Ghoul slurred as we shoveled spoonfuls of dog food into open mouths. Due to the fact that raids nowadays were only for weapons because we were too nervous to eat the food prepared in BLI factories, considering of what it might contain, it was dog food for all as the main source of our nutrients. Dog food in soups, dog food in sandwiches, dog food baked into flour, water and some sort of substitute to make a pie-type thing. Eventually the mush becomes stomachable, but by no means good. I ate to live here, as the rest of the Killjoys did, considering the words “good” and “food” weren’t used in the same sentance unless it was, “this food is NOT good.”

“Anybody else find it funny that their dogs eat better than us?” Jet said musingly through a mouthful of mush.

“Technically, we’re eating the same as their dogs.” Party said, dejectedly staring at his half-empty can.

“Well they don’t blindly kill their dogs in the desert.” Kobra muttered, glaring at his food as though he could just shoot it and be done with it. He hated the dog food more than anybody, barely stomaching it to stay alive. That’s partially why he was so lanky and lean, taller and thinner than any of the other guys.

“Well eat up either way. If you down it faster, you can barely taste it.” Party scraped his can and stood up. "We’re leaving in 20, get going.”

20 minutes later, we were driving down Route Guano, me squished in the back of the old, familiar Trans Am between Ghoul and Jet, Party driving, as usual, and Kobra chilling in the front seat.

“This was a lot easier when you were 12.” Ghoul squirmed next to me.

“Well, you had to go giving skinny the front seat.” I elbowed him. “Now stop moving before I put my foot up your ass.”

“At least she didn’t get too much wider, just taller.” Jet said, chuckling.

“Well what do you expect, living in the Zones, I don’t get a buffet every night.” I rolled my eyes. “I may be lanky but I’m tough.”

“Oh yes, we all know.” Jet rolled his eyes.

“Personally, I blame Ghoul for that mouth.” Party looked in the rearview mirror at us.

“Personally, you can eat it, Party.” I cheerfully flipped him the bird. “If you wanted a say in how I turned out, maybe y’all should’ve stuck around.”

The oppressive silence after that comment was awkward for all of us. “C’mon, Terror, we have to do this now?” Ghoul said quietly, trying to defuse the situation, but I didn’t want to let it drop.

“No Ghoul, she’s right.” Party nodded. “We should’ve at least visited her. We just dumped her there, and it wasn’t right.” He looked at me in the rearview. He didn’t say he was sorry per say, but looking at him, I knew he was sorry, and I think he knew he was forgiven.

“Well, if we’re done with the lovefest, can you focus on driving now? You’re swerving and it’s giving me a headache.” Jet griped. The tension was dissolved as Party retorted some comment about Jet's hair and turned up the radio, everyone secretly relieved that we hadn’t hashed out our feelings in a confined space. Me, I was just glad to be back with the guys.

Three days and around 450 miles later, we pulled up to Suicide Sally’s prison complex gates in the middle of the day, Party merely having to flash his hair to gain entrance, the guards starstruck. Typical. We pulled up to the looming structures, the bars still on the windows and the air still feeling ominous. It was one of the only places not taken over or destroyed by BLI, as were most churches, hospitals and government offices, considering the structure was just too far away to deal with. We pulled into the parking lot and got out, stretching after the long drive. Suicide Sally quickly came out to fawn over the guys, as per usual whenever we went somewhere. This was the part I hated, the fussing and gushing over them. They put their pants on one leg at a time, they were just people. No one seemed to understand that.

“Oh, how’ve you been since we’ve last seen you, my little Terror?” She looked down at me adoringly, like I was some cute little charity case, as I zoned back into the conversation.

“Oh I’ve been fine, just chewing on my feet and playing with my Barney doll, how about you, eh?” I grinned as offensively as possible, poking fun at her old-Canadian accent. She smiled through tight lips as Party’s elbow caught me sharply in the shoulder. Ghoul, Jet and Kobra, however, were snickering behind me, barely able to hide it.

“Would you like to meet our friend Space Nuke now? He and his clan were just heading out for the day.” She said, the hatred radiating off her forced smile.

“We came here to meet him, now would be preferable.” Party nodded warmly, suddenly melting the ice queen. “We really appreciate this, you letting us in on such short notice.”

“Oh, well, whatever I can do to help...” She prattled on, leading us inside. Party looked over his shoulder to glare at us before following her inside, nodding to seem interested.

“That man has some serious skills.” Ghoul said as we followed at a safe distance. Party’s ability to convince stupid women of anything, despite not being particularly handsome or charming, had helped us out many a time. He had a certain aura about him, letting people fall under his spell quickly the second he turned on the charm. Luckily, it had never worked on me, leading me to have an excellent bullshit detector.

“Here’s where we all sleep, most clans taking one or two cells, depending.” Sally led us through the converted prison as though it was a summer camp. Cells with the doors flung open housed lots of mattresses, sleeping well over 200 people should you really wish it. Regardless of my personal feelings, I couldn’t help but admire the resourcefulness.

“This is our main floor, where everybody meets up to eat and such.” Sally shepherded us into a large main room, where a few late-starting clans were preparing to head out. “Here’s the California Bombing Squad, some of our more permanent residents.” She led us to a table containing six people, four guys and two girls, all preparing to head out, strapping up boots and talking. I recognized the back of Space Nuke’s head quickly, given the dreds. He turned around, his lopsided smile quickly disappearing as he recognized the guys.

“Can we help you?” One girl, seeing Space Nuke’s distress, stood up, looking at Party, her green mohawk swaying.

“Space Nuke, right?” Party smiled at him. “Would you mind talking to us in private, just for a few minutes?”

“I swear, I’ve changed.” The fear was apparent in the kid’s eyes, his hand reaching up to instinctively rub his tattoo. “I know what you’re thinking, I’ve heard the rumors-”

“Sally, what is going on here?” Mohawk girl looked to Sally, indignation in her eyes as Party tried to explain himself to Space Nuke, the scene escalating as everyone’s voices rose.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Party boomed, causing everyone to quiet and look to him. It was silent for a second before he spoke again. “It has to do with your past, friend, but I promise you’re not in any trouble. Just let us explain ourselves to you and we’ll see where it goes from there, okay?” Party looked honestly at Space Nuke as he wavered, deciding whether or not to trust Party.

“Okay.” He nodded warily, watching us.

“Sally, do you have somewhere we could talk in private?” Party turned to Sally, who nodded, giggling.

“Of course, I mean, anything for you four.” She batted her eyelashes and led us to a nearby office with a desk and enough chairs for only me, Space Nuke and Party. We sat across from Space Nuke, who still eyed us carefully.

“Thank you, Sally.” Party smiled at her, trying to get her to leave. Given she wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, she didn’t get it. “Could you give us a minute, please?”

“Of course, of course.” Sally sashayed away, grinning and closing the door behind her. Space Nuke squirmed under the glances of the five of us as Party took the papers from Ghoul, who’d kept them in a backpack he’d picked up from who-knows-where. Nuke’s hand anxiously tapped his thigh quickly, the nervousness showing on his face.

“I’m sorry we had to drag you away like that. I promise, you’re not in trouble or anything. Actually, we really need you. BLI is planning something big, and we need your help. Can we be sure you won’t share this information with anyone else, not even your clan?” Party’s face drained of charm, the seriousness of the situation showing on his face.

“Wait, I can’t tell my clan?” Nuke’s eyebrows furrowed, unsure.

“What I’m about to tell you is very sensitive and very, very dangerous. If you tell your clan, they could potentially go charging in to be heroes and aggravate the situation, not to mention get themselves killed. This is something they’d kill citizens over without a second thought, not to mention Killjoys, and I want to know right now if I can trust you.” Party stared at him, the intense vibes making even me edgy.

“You can trust me. I promise.” Space Nuke said quietly, his hand still going rapid-fire on his leg.

“All right then. Here’s what’s happening.” He spread the plans on the table and, piece by piece, ran down everything he knew about the tower, filling this kid in.

“So basically, they’re building a tower, and you want me to help you sneak into the headquarters and help shut this thing down with you guys.” He looked at us for confirmation.

“Not us. Her.” Party jerked a finger at me and suddenly, he was staring at me, those dark eyes seeming to stare into my soul.

“Her?” He seemed confused. “She’s so... tiny.”

“Hey-” I leaned forward, about to whip off some remark, when Party silenced me with a “Don’t say another word and fuck this up or I will kill you in your sleep” glare.

“She’s actually the best spy in our organization. She’s broken into hundreds of outposts, killed numerous Dracs and stolen vital information that’s kept us afloat. She could easily kill you now, if she wanted to, so I suggest you watch your comments about her when we’re not here to protect you.” Party said coolly.

“Great, her head’s not gonna fit out the door now.” I rolled my eyes at Ghoul’s remark from somewhere behind Party, which got a chuckle out of Space Nuke.

“He can laugh!” Jet chuckled.

“Only at my expense, it seems.” I sunk into my chair.

“What can I say, sugar, you’re fun to laugh at.” He smiled at me, not nearly as nervous now.

“I can yank those dreds right out of your head, smartass.” I glared at him. “And my friend Ghoul here will gladly do it himself if you call me sugar again. See, I’m like his kid,” I watched his eyes dart to Ghoul, “and he nearly killed a doofus yesterday who tried to kiss me.” I watched the smirk slide off his face, grinning triumphantly at Ghoul, who didn’t look all too happy at my victory. I turned back to Space Nuke, who was once again smiling that lopsided smile of his, unabashed at my threats.

“I’m going to have to watch my back around you, huh?” He smiled at me.

“So are you in then?” Party asked him.

“I’m in. I know that place like the back of my hand.” He said, still looking at me not as though he was checking me out, more as one would observe a friend. “I can help.”

“Great. We leave tomorrow. I suggest spending some time with your clan now, considering you won’t see them for quite some time after today.” Party stood, as did I and Space Nuke, extending his hand, which Space Nuke accepted. “Welcome to the team.”

Killer Laser Rays Part 7: Alabama

I sat on the mattresses we'd stacked around the campfire in the grocery store. It was about 11 pm Battery City time, but I wasn't tired. Disco and that girl, who’s name was apparently Solar Crash, (that’s how she introduced herself to Disco anyway, while sticking out her chest and making goo-goo eyes) had taken first watch from the rooftop of the store. We’d found stairs after that kid Toxic Arizona, the one with the green hair, left with Wasp and the little girls.

I was sitting on the mattresses we’d stacked in twos around the fire, staring at the flames in which we were burning old cardboard boxes we’d found, gently cleaning my Wolverine claws with a rag I’d grabbed, even though I hadn’t even fought with them. I’d thought about it when that little bimbo Solar had looped her arm through Disco’s, but I didn’t. The Hispanic kid who’d been speaking Spanish to Rage and Lightning, plus Rage and Lightning themselves were sleeping now so they could take the graveyard watch at around 2:30 am until sunrise. Every swipe of the cloth on the dull silver knives made me feel a little better, yet so much worse. My chest ached as I stared into the fire, still seeing G.I.’s battered and bloody face in my mind’s eye. It was all my fault. I’d killed him. Why couldn’t I have just listened, just once? Why hadn’t I’d stayed put, like he told me?

“Hey.” The kid with the eraser hair and blue bandanna around his neck sat down on the mattress next to me.

“Hi.” I looked at him sideways, the fire glinting off of his eyes before I turned back to my Wolverine claws. This kid took my claws and rag, setting down the claws and using the rag to wipe away tears I didn’t know were running down my face. I bit my lip and looked away, embarrassed.

“What’s wrong? Your fearless leader?” He smiled sadly at me.

“Yeah. He saved my life so many times, and I killed him.” A sob escaped my lips, my cheeks thoroughly soaked.

“Did you shoot him?” The guy asked.

“No.”

“Then you didn’t kill him. The jag-offs in white suits and masks did.” He rubbed my arm. “You can’t blame yourself like that.”

“But it was my idea. If I hadn’t needed to do the right thing-“

“If you hadn’t done the right thing, the Dracs would’ve got us all.” He cut me off. “This is not your fault. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it was.”

I paused for a moment, my tears starting to dry up. “Thanks. I needed that.”

“No problem, thrill-killer.” He rubbed my back as I turned back towards the fire.

“What’s your name?” I asked him. “I didn’t catch the whole thing.”

“Zebra Kiss, the one and only.” He grinned. “You?”

“Alabama Napalm.” I nodded.

“That’s a sick name.”

“Thank you.”

“Where’d you get the claws?”

“My Wolverine’s? I took them with my husband-beater and jacket off of a chickie who got ghosted a few years back in my gang. She wouldn’t have wanted them to go to waste. She loved these things far too much.” I ran a finger along the dull edge, which faced my hands so I wouldn’t cut myself.

“Nice.” The kid nodded. “You could probably actually get some newer, cleaner clothes over by the racks, if you wanted to. I guess it’s been awhile since you had anything clean, huh?” Zebra nodded

“I haven’t taken a shower since the last acid rain 2 weeks ago, and even that doesn’t do much.” I shrugged.

“Yikes. There’s one of those old-fashioned bathrooms like we all had back in the day and the water still works for some weird reason. They probably had a reservoir underground. You can go change and stuff, I’ll cover for you.” Zebra suggested, settling into the mattress, watching the fire.

“I think I’ll take you up on that offer.” I stood slowly, tucking the rag I’d found in my back pocket for later, but then realizing there were 20 more on the shelf next to me and tossed it on the floor next to my claws. I started moving away from the fire, but stopped short. “Thanks, by the way.” I said to Zebra over my shoulder.

“Don’t mention it.” He replied, getting more comfortable in the mattress. I picked up one of the flashlights we’d found earlier along with tons of batteries and used it to light my way in the dark to the first real cleaning I’d had in years.

I used a soap dispenser older than dirt and a rag I found on a shelf to clean away the layers of blood and grime covering my face and body. The ice cold water sharpened my senses and heightened my awareness, not to mention scrubbed away stuff that had been there for years. I scrubbed out my hair as well, braiding it down my back once I was done and wrapping a towel around my terribly skinny but surprisingly strong frame. I hadn’t felt so alive and clean in my entire memory before the war, and I was positive it was the best feeling ever.

I slipped out into the clothing department still in my towel, confident no one was around to see me, and found myself some tight regular jeans and an actual belt, not a piece of string like I was currently using to hold up my torn-up and bloodied knee-length cutoffs.

The next section I came to was just awkward; underwear. I put on some clean, blue boy shorts after scanning the place and grabbing the closest thing, not wanting to be within a hundred feet of the place. I found an old-fashioned torture device my mother used to use called a bra and grabbed a green polka-dotted one that fit my small chest and put it on, through much struggle and trial and error. These things were confusing, but having one on was almost somewhat comfortable. Next, I found a purple t-shirt with a skull on it and slipped it on, putting a green hooded sweatshirt on over it. I chose to keep the leather jacket, just because throwing out something I’d had for so long seemed sacrilegious, putting it on over the hoodie I’d found. I grabbed a pair of normal cotton shorts and a tank top, just to have something else to change into if need be.

Next up I wandered into the shoe section and stumbled upon some standard black high tops in my size, which I took along with some socks.

I found a black duffel bag in a nearby aisle and started putting things into it to use later, such as deodorant, a toothbrush and toothpaste and some actual soap. My dirty black combat boots were in the bottom, along with a handful of packages of socks I’d found in the shoe section. I also added another set of clothing, just in case, as well as a teddy bear for Babydoll and a little stuffed puppy for Mighty Mouse. Satisfied, I turned and headed back to camp.

“Hey.” I nodded to Zebra, tossing down my duffel and settling down for watch with him. Solar Crash and Disco returned later, all giggles and smiles.

“What’re you guys so happy about?” I remarked pointedly, seeing as how their faces were flushed.

“Well look who decided to grow up and be an actual girl. From what you looked like before, no wonder all of your guys were drooling over me.” Solar remarked cattily.

“Excuse me?” My eyebrows shot up to my hairline, staring at this girl.

“Did I stutter?” She said slowly, enunciating every syllable slowly. I stood up and walked over to her, standing awfully close.

“Come on guys, let’s not do this now.” Disco tried to cut in, but I refused to back off.

“I dare you to talk to me like that again.”

“Just ask your little boyfriend here. He didn’t mind it.” She smirked smugly. Well, at least she was smirking smugly before I put my fist in her nose. That tends to wipe the smile off somebody’s face.

She recoiled violently, but came back at me, pulling my hair and clawing at my eyes. She was an amateur compared to me, though. How many times had I wrestled two or three people for supplies? How often had I snapped a Drac’s neck after it got too close to my family? She was a distance shooter, like most Killjoys, and I was quickly sitting on top of her chest, pinning her arms with my knees and going to take a swing at her face one more time when Disco grabbed me from behind, dragging me off.

“Hey! What the fuck, I had her! You heard what she said, Disco, now Goddammit let me go!” I tried to worm out of his grasp, but he gripped my biceps too tightly. Zebra had Solar by the waist, and with her hair pulled back still, you could see the damage I’d inflicted. Her left  eye was puffy and swollen, while her nose was still streaming blood. I probably hadn’t broken it, I’d hit her hard but not that hard, but the eye would look hideous for awhile. I’d cut her cheekbone right under her right eye, which would look awful for a few days but would heal up eventually. I myself had merely a few nail marks in my face, nothing too horrible, although the girl did pretty well for herself.

“For the record, I shot her down, but when you punch first and ask questions later, that doesn’t always get communicated, does it?” Disco said harshly into my ear as the adrenaline and rage started to wear off and I stopped struggling quite so violently. He was really pissed, I could tell from the vice-like grip he had on my arms and the way he’d reprimanded me.

“Yeah yeah, I get it, violence isn’t the answer. That bitch had it coming, though, I hadn’t said two words to her and she starts insulting me.” I shook the stray hairs out of my face and stood proudly, my arms crossed as much as possible and my chin jutted forward, making me look tougher than she thought. Well, she knew not to mess with me or my own after this.

“Who the fuck do you think you are anyway, bitch?” I glared daggers at her. “I did nothing to you, and you walk in here and start insulting me. Was it because my BEST FRIEND shot you down?” Solar said nothing, only glared at me from the bear hug Zebra had her in. Her arms were pinned to her sides, but I could see her fists clenched. This wasn’t over to her, and who knows how many times I’d have to punch her face in again to get that through to her.

“Both of you, get some sleep. Wasp’s gonna hear of this in the morning, and then you’ll get your just desserts, that’s for sure.” Zebra tossed Solar onto a mattress across the fire, just as Disco tossed me.

“Hey, watch it.” I grumbled, but he ignored me, instead walking off with Zebra. I grumbled and stood, opening some blankets and grabbing a few nearby pillows before finally settling down to get some sleep. And then I heard some teenage boys whispering.

“Damn, your chica can fight.” The kid whose voice I didn’t recognize said quickly in Spanish.

“Well, you’re not the only three who speak Spanish here, so shut your mouth and go to bed before I kick your ass too.” I spoke in Spanish in response, prompting the mattresses over by where the boys were to get awfully quiet awfully fast. I chuckled to myself.

“Good night.” I called cheerfully in English before turning over and going to sleep.

How to Survive Zone 1, Chapter 4: How to Get a Tattoo Early

I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table as Party walked around the other side of said table, heading towards the coffee machine.

“Dude, it’s my place, let me.” I stood to go and make coffee for them, but Party waved me back down.

“Sit down, I know how to make coffee myself, thank you very much.” I rolled my eyes and sat down.

“Is he always this bad?” I looked over at Ghoul, who had just followed us into the kitchen.

“Yep!” He nodded, grinning cheerfully. “We call him the Car Nazi for a reason.”

“So here’s the deal;” Party sat down, handing Ghoul coffee, which he slurped appreciatively. Coffee was a luxury only the biggest outposts could afford, and it was usually guarded viciously, rarely brought out for consumption. “The first part of your team is in Zone 3, up at Suicide Sally’s. His name’s Space Nuke.” Party dropped the file in front of me. I flipped it open to see a kid, maybe 19, staring back at me, with long dreds and a lopsided smile.

“Okay, what’s his deal?” I tipped my chair backwards, my feet on the table.

“He used to be a Drac.”

“A what?!” My feet hit the ground with a thunk as Ghoul started choking on his coffee.

“You want to put her on a team with-”

“Shut up and let me explain, both of you.” Party said quietly as we both sat staring at him like fish gasping for water. “There’s a clan up at Lulu Laserbrain’s airport that can detox and turn Dracs back to normal. They spend three days with that clan, at which point they get the option to go back to Battery City or stay a Killjoy. That’s what they did with him. He was one of the few who decided to stay. He’s been living up at Suicidal Sally’s with his clan, the California Bombing Squad, for almost a year with no incident. He’s as safe as we are, and he knows Battery City inside and out. We need him.” Party tried to reassure Ghoul, who didn’t seem convinced.

“When are we picking him up?” I looked to Party.

“Well, we’re leaving tomorrow and taking Route Guano, so we should be there in three days.” Party nodded.

Ghoul wasn’t happy. “I don’t want-”

“Ghoul, I don’t care what you want right now, okay?” Party turned to Ghoul, exasperated, before looking at me. “Would you be okay with it?”

“Are you sure he’s safe?” I stared at him.

“Absolutely. Look, how about you decide when we get there and both of you,” Party’s eyes slid to Ghoul, “meet him.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “It’ll be interesting, to say the least. Does he still have his barcode?” I was referring to the barcode that all Dracs had tattooed onto their necks so they could be “scanned” to affirm where they were, like items in an old-fashioned grocery store.

“It’s part of his Killjoy tattoo.” Party took the file from me and rustled through some papers, pulling out a picture of it. The tattoo was awesome, the telltale barcode with a bright red X through it, surrounded by barbed wire with the words, “No more shall perish,” written in cursive at the top with his name underneath in graffiti. I passed it wordlessly to Ghoul to let him look.

“Speaking of tattoos,” I smiled cheekily at them, flipping my eyes back and forth between them. “You know who’s 16th birthday is next month?”

“Oh my God, my little Tear Gas is getting her tattoo.” Ghoul rubbed his hands over his face. “I never said you could grow up!” He moaned, his voice muffled. I was referring, of course, to the coming of age ritual every Killjoy teen got on their 16th birthday, their tattoo that identified them to every other Killjoy out there. On your birthday, you got your very own art anywhere you wanted, done by Neon Zombie, the best (and only) tattoo artist in the Zones, almost like, “Hey, you made it this long, we should probably throw you a bone.” Any kids that didn’t survive to their 16th birthday would get a tattoo, regardless of age, on the back of their hand, a little green ghost with a black X in the background, the international sign for ghosted. I’d only been to a few funerals of that kind, but they were always the worst.

“Hey Party...” I looked over at him. “I was wondering, could you help me design it?” He'd been a cartoonist back in the day, and was just what I needed for what I wanted to get.

“I’d love to, kiddo.” He smiled at me. “We might have to track down Neon before your actual birthday though, considering this whole thing.” He motioned to the air, as if he could stop BLI with some waving.

“Oh darn, how would I ever survive that?” I rolled my eyes and shuffled through some more papers, trying to take in as much info on this stupid thing as possible. It was ending now, and I’d be damned if some stupid tower was standing in the way of my tattoo.